Parents always want only the best for their children. To give the best education. To teach everything that they know and can. To protect from mistakes and troubles. It is right. It should be so. But there is one important point. It is imperative to give children the opportunity to make mistakes. Yes, we are sincerely convinced of this. After all, mistakes are an important component of growth.

Everything that happens to us in life gives us experience. A negative, positive question is secondary in this case. The main thing is that from any situation we can learn to draw some lessons that may be useful to us in life in the future.

Of course, from the point of view of a parent, whose main goal is to grow and protect. I want to protect my child as much as possible from some negative moments. I would like to raise a strong, self-confident person. Capable of dealing with difficulties. Confidently enduring any adversity.

In one of the previous articles, we already talked about the importance of supporting family and friends. For any person, and especially for a child, it is important to learn to go through and experience some setbacks. And here, too, the attitude to the situation of those who are nearby plays a decisive role.

Everyone sometimes is wrong. Does everyone recognize this?

We all are people. Accordingly, we sometimes are wrong. But how do we feel about our mistakes? There are several patterns of behavior:

• Someone prefers to simply ignore them. As a result, people “step on the same rake” over and over again. Indeed, if you do not admit a mistake, then it is impossible to draw conclusions from it and try to correct the reasons and actions that led to its appearance.
• Some people boldly admit their mistakes, analyze the situation, analyze, draw conclusions and gain invaluable experience. Let’s be honest, your experience is always remembered better than any advice from the outside.
• But there are times when a person is afraid to admit his mistake. Not that he doesn’t want to. Namely, he is afraid. And here, various options for behavior already begin, from attempts to blame others to the fear of taking any action, in the fear of making a mistake.

These are, perhaps, the main patterns of behavior. We are sure that everyone has come across their manifestations in life. But today, let’s try to figure out how such precedents can arise, and how to teach a child to make decisions, draw conclusions and not be afraid of it. After all, all adults were once children. And the model of behavior that we developed in childhood, as a rule, remains with us throughout our life.

Ignoring, denying and accepting – what to do?

One way or another, each of us has come across people who do not notice their mistakes. This can be attributed to a lack of critical thinking. You can try to justify not forming cause-and-effect relationships. By the way, they are formed in early childhood. This can be considered indifference. But there are people who sincerely do not notice their mistakes. At the same time, they continue to do the same in similar situations and are even sincerely surprised at a similar result.

Undoubtedly, you have met people in your life who flatly refuse to admit their mistakes. Foaming at the mouth, they are ready to prove their case. And any attempt to point out a mistake is perceived exclusively as a personal mortal offense and a desire to hurt or humiliate.

There is also the opposite manifestation – indecision. A person is afraid or does not want not only to admit his mistake, but even to commit any action that may allow it to appear.

But these are the reactions of adults. They are more familiar to us. We can remember in one way or another the people we have encountered in our lives. But all of these behavioral patterns are mostly formed in childhood.

In our training practice, we have encountered children who come and do not know how to cope with their own mistakes. They do not know how to react to an attempt to help and correct. They do not even admit that they may be wrong.

First of all, it is very difficult and difficult for them themselves. For the simple reason that any attempt to help, correct, suggest, is perceived as an insult, because the child’s value system does not include the possibility of error. And if it is, then it is perceived as a tragedy. Sometimes it even comes to tears when something doesn’t work out right away. Some people think that everything can be learned in one workout or in one try.

Undoubtedly, everyone has their own character and their own characteristics. Someone is given something easier, someone needs more time. And everyone’s reactions are different. But one way or another, we are all wrong. And there is nothing terrible in this, it all depends on how we react and how those people who are next to us react.

Scold, encourage or support?

As a rule, a personal reaction is developed as a result of the reaction of others. Parents a priori have unlimited trust from the child. And their opinion for a very long period of time is the most important and indisputable.

Criticizing and scolding a child for mistakes can greatly affect his self-esteem. And influence is far from the best way. This is unlikely to temper his character. Over time, from the outside, undoubtedly, it will seem that the person is in control of himself, that he is calm and tolerates criticism and any comments with ease. But in fact, criticism and swearing very much undermine self-confidence. And then even the slightest, albeit constructive, remark or help will be perceived as an insult, and not an attempt to help.

It is impossible to develop harmoniously and be self-confident as a child if you are constantly criticized harshly. Over time and growing up, this develops into neuroses and total self-doubt, even if a person seems to be safe and successful from the outside. But at the same time he cannot cope with difficulties.

Another variant of the attitude towards mistakes is total praise for successes and the search for these very successes even among everyday things. A sense of pride and a thunderous ovation for the fact that:

• the child put on his shoes himself (but not for the first or second time in his life, but at the age of 7, for example);
• carried garbage to the trash can;
• did homework;
• put dirty dishes in the sink or even wash them.

These are everyday things, to which sometimes we can see such a reaction, as if a child made his way to the Olympic team and goes to represent his country.

Success is impossible without mistakes, just like mistakes are without success.

It would seem that mistakes and successes are different things, but they rarely go separately. We have come across situations where children are confident in their ideality and impeccability. When they don’t even admit the possibility of error occurring. With anyone, but not with them. A confident child is wonderful. But overconfidence is more likely to harm, because one way or another we all make some mistakes in the learning process. And if we are being corrected, then this is normal and the goal is to teach us how to do what is right.

But what is it like for a child who is initially set up and brought up so that he does everything right the first time? He was brought up with a sense of total superiority over others and his own uniqueness. And when you are told that to make it even better, you need to do a little wrong, then this is not perceived as helping. And in a completely different way:

• as an attempt to show that you are wrong;
• as an insult;
• as an attempt to humiliate etc.

And this is a very big blow to the confidence of the child. Although it is more appropriate to say even self-confidence. In his paradigm of life, he does not even allow the possibility of being wrong. And this complicates his training. Because it is impossible to correct a mistake without admitting it.

In the end, this plays a cruel joke, because the slightest attempt to teach, prompt and help is met with tears, and sometimes even hysteria.

Support, find and fix

But there is also a third scenario. Praise, support, and help you learn to make mistakes and admit your mistakes.

• If the child demonstrates success, support and praise. But parental love shouldn’t be a prize for achievement. It must be unconditional.
• If the child is wrong, show them exactly where. Help find the error. Help to disassemble it, find out the reason for the appearance, as well as find a solution and a way out of the situation.

Show your child that it’s okay to be wrong. Explain that it is human beings to make mistakes. The main thing is to be able to recognize them and draw conclusions. Then you can deal with them. Show that you support him in any situation. Children’s mistakes are not terrible. Their scale is incommensurate with the mistakes that adults can make. They are very easy to fix. But the cornerstone of all this is the attitude of the parents to the issue and, as a consequence, the attitude of the child.

But at the same time, do not try to fix everything by yourself. This path must be traversed. Learn not only to admit, but also to correct your mistakes, without expecting that someone else will do it.

If you support and help find a way out and a solution, you can be sure that when a more difficult situation arises, the child will come to you for help and support.

• If criticized, then a child, and eventually a teenager and an adult, would rather hide or hush up the story. In the hope that it will resolve itself. And it’s good if so. But there are situations when a mistake like a snowball leads to a big problem.
• A not very pleasant story also arises when parents independently try to correct any child’s mistake. Then the confidence arises that the parents can fix everything themselves, and if they don’t do it, it’s only because they don’t want to, and not because they can no longer help. And this can also lead to extremely unpleasant consequences.
• The most correct, in our opinion, way to avoid all this is to teach to recognize, accept and correct. But this should always be taught with the family.

If the child makes a mistake, then do not shame him in front of strangers. Don’t berate or condemn. Support, take his side in a difficult situation. And take it apart eye to eye. No outsiders. Help him find a way out:

• if necessary – to apologize to the one whom he offended;
• if something is broken, fix it;
• if you have spilled or spilled something, remove it.

Do not try to correct this mistake or misconduct by yourself. Teach your child to be independent. But give him the confidence to be loved and supported. And then, when an error occurs with which it will be really difficult for him to cope, he will come to you for advice. He will come, knowing that they will listen, support and help find a solution. A solution that will help him correct his mistakes.

All these simple steps will help you to grow a confident person, who is not afraid to make decisions and, most importantly, be able to take responsibility for them. An important factor in upbringing is training. After all, sports and martial arts build character. And they motivate everyone to get better with each lesson. If you decide to sign up for a trial training in our Club, we will be glad to see you on the tatami. All contact information, dojo addresses and the current schedule can be found here.